Jimmy John's

I was so excited for this one. Like, borderline embarrassing how pumped I was to rate these. I remembered the Kick’n Ranch being kinda good once upon a time, so I went all in and ordered the large sizes. You know, the little soup container ones that make you feel like you’re about to be living your best ranch life?

Yeah… no.

At first glance, the ranch looks promising! Looks were definitely deceiving me. The Homestyle Ranch straight up tasted like it came from a bottle with a fake “homestyle” label slapped on it for vibes. Zero effort. The Kick’n Ranch? Honestly just felt like they threw a pepper in the Homestyle and hoped we wouldn’t notice. I did notice.

The real heartbreak? I had so much of it. So much ranch. And not a single reason to be excited about any of it. Total waste of money and fridge space.

Both get the Store-Bought Sadness rating from me. If I had to choose, the Kick’n is better, but not by much. Either way, I’m officially breaking up with both. We had potential… but we don’t date for potential, right?