Toast! All Day

She told me they make it.
She said they make it!

And listen… if this is the house recipe, then babe, it might be time to gather the team and start from scratch. To be fair, she also told me she doesn’t even like ranch, which should have been my first clue, but I was feeling hopeful and bold. Maybe too bold. The vacation vibes and drinks were going to my head.

I trusted her and ordered a salad. And anyone who plays the ranch game knows that ordering a salad for a first-time ranch test is a risky move. That is a “put your faith in the universe” moment. Unfortunately, the universe said absolutely not. I’m glad I didn’t play the lottery that day.

From the first bite, it was vinegary, thick in a way that didn’t feel intentional, and had that bad-sour store-bought energy. Not tangy. Not bright. Just… off. It was giving bottled sadness no matter how much she tried to tell me otherwise.

Honestly, it felt like a Scooby Doo mystery where they pull off the mask and surprise! It’s the same bottled ranch from the grocery store shelf pretending to be something else.

Definite Store Bought Sadness.